I’ve given my parents plenty of credit in this blog and they deserve it. But there was one thing that my parents instilled upon me that I hated at the time that a certain conversation with a close friend recently confirmed. You see, my dad was totally old school – no nonsense, no bullshit. But before we get to that we’ll get to what prompted this post.
A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend about a life situation he and his family are going through and I’m not going to get this exactly right, but he more or less said, “What happened to everything we thought our lives would be?” I had an epiphany of sorts. Mostly because I felt like I was the only one who felt that way and here I was hearing it from a trusted friend who basically has everything I thought I’d have: A loving wife, two great kids, a house, etc.
Now, back to my parents. Like I said, my dad was a bit of a hard ass…okay, a big hard ass. But he basically told me that life is hard. It’s not supposed to be easy. But somehow along the way between my own hubris, youthful optimism, and perhaps a little bit of the Mr. Rogers/Everybody Wins philosophy that has pervaded our culture I somehow felt it could never happen to me. I was going to rock this shit. Then life happened, and I realized how wrong I was…and how right he was.
To quote one of Chris Rock’s best stand-ups:
“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.”
Certainly not all of my friends have had the same experiences I have (thank god), but enough have…to the ones that haven’t: more power to you, I love you guys and hope it stays that way. To the ones that have, I’ve always got your back and know how you feel.
And to Mom and Dad: you’re not going to hear this often, but you were right. If you ever try and bring this up I will vehemently deny it.
Confessions of a Simian Mind 
“I miss me…I miss everything I’ll never be.” is one of the most powerful lines in Smashing Pumpkins’ Rocket. It always seemed sad and hyper-realistic to me…this notion that the places in our lives where we screwed up are like scarlet letters that we can never shake. While this one of my favorite songs of all time, it’s amazing that until recently I looked at that lyric completely independently from the line “the moon is high, the stars invite…think I’ll leave tonight.”
I’ll never know what was in Billy Corgan’s head when he wrote this, but I’ve come to understand that it’s a message of hope. Sure, you may not be what you thought you’d be, but you could be something bigger, better. I wanted to be president of the United States as a kid. For real. Screw that.
Thanks for the comment Matt. Those are powerful lines. And I like the metaphor of scarlet letters. It reminds me of that line from Macklemore’s Thin Line where he says, “I swear to god, I wish that I could Photoshop the scars off.” But I think the important thing he doesn’t say is that most of those scarlet letters are written in invisible ink.
You’re absolutely right that we can always be something or someone bigger and better. But for me here’s the issue, what I envisioned was something so simple, pure, and presumably easy. I realize that they didn’t happen in large part due to my own actions and decisions, but it doesn’t make it much easier. Not to sound like a petulant child about it but it makes me think of Mouth at the bottom of the well in Goonies. Sometimes I just want to yell, “Yeah, but you know what? This one, this one right here. This was my dream, my wish. And it didn’t come true. So I’m taking it back. I’m taking them all back.”